Being involuntarily childless in a world full of children and pregnant women it’s hard to not compare yourself to others. We’ve all know that ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ but that doesn’t make you feel less jealous when seeing others achieve what you’ve tried so hard.
I’ve never really compared myself to others but instead used others’ achievements as inspiration for my own life and goals.
That’s how I started traveling around the world, found an amazing partner, achieved a healthy lifestyle, opened a language school, started a consulting practice, and co-founded a coaching company.
But.. infertility created a MAJOR shift..
The danger of comparing yourself to others
While I was injecting myself for the third round of IVF, many of my friends were getting pregnant by just ‘looking’ at each other.
And suddenly I started comparing myself to ALL of them. Thinking…
Why did she get pregnant?
✨ She doesn’t even have a partner!
✨ She doesn’t even eat healthily!
✨ She doesn’t even have time for a baby!
✨ She doesn’t even take care of herself!
And then, almost immediately I felt super guilty for having these thoughts… and the jealousy turned into tons of negative self-talk…
✨ I can’t believe you even think that!
✨ Why can’t you just be happy for her?
✨ You’re such a horrible person!
Instead of giving myself a break, I was beating myself up.
Break the habit of comparing yourself to others
After talking to hundreds of women, I know now that all these feelings are really common during infertility (and any other major life challenge!).
The problem with comparing is that all these feelings of ‘being less than’ are based on superficial information.
We often compare our inside feelings with other people’s outside looks. And that’s just not the whole picture.
You’ve probably seen those magical photos on Facebook of my 4-day hike on the Inca Trail.
But.. what you didn’t see were the 1000 toilet visits I took in between those pictures because I was having severe diarrhea. I felt miserable and literally dragged myself up those mountains to Machu Picchu because we weren’t able to postpone our trip.
Couldn’t tell that from those amazing pictures, right?
I just want to say that we often compare our inside feelings with other people’s outside looks. And that’s just not the whole picture.
I know that many of you will have a hard time with the upcoming holidays. Due to infertility, divorce, still looking for the love of your life, missing a family member, having financial difficulties, etc…
Just remember, that behind every incredible holiday picture posted on your timeline, there’s a story. A story of hardship, challenges, loss and sadness, and many other things you’ll never know about…
And that’s okay! It’s up to everybody to share whatever part of the story they want to share, but… let’s stop wasting our precious energy focusing on other people’s lives rather than our own.
Comparison is the fastest way to feel unhappy
Every minute you spend wishing you had someone else’s life is a minute spent wasting yours… and life is too freaking short for that!
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