For 6 years I’ve been juggling my nomadic lifestyle with fertility treatments and it has been one of my most challenging experiences. Dealing with pain, fear, hope, anger, confusion, heartache, frustration, crying, grief, disappointment, misunderstanding, anxiety, envy, sadness and isolation all at once, while living abroad. But… nothing could have prepared me for the deathly silence AFTER IVF.
In 2018 I found my husband’s name on the list of dead people, whom didn’t survive the double natural disaster in Palu, Indonesia. Only seventeen hours later I got a phone call that he was still alive. What most people don’t know about me is that up to now I totally freak out if I don’t hear anything from him for more than 3 hours. I’m talking about a raised heartbeat, short of breath and a mind that’s imagining the worst things possible.
In 2019, after years of dreaming and hard work, we managed to get a visa and started our live in Nepal. In the midst of several projects and the construction of our house, Covid-19 came and we had to leave. After 3 months of severe confusion we redesigned our life. We both changed from expats to digital nomads and truly enjoying our new life in Mexico. What most people don’t know is that I feel guilty for having left the friends we made and the children of the school in the village and I keep sending a percentage of my earnings to support educational projects in Nepal.
Even though I look successful on paper, after IVF I had to reinvent my life and my businesses with a new sense of meaning & purpose. I had to learn to enjoy things again and see the beauty in everything. I had to learn to love my body again and take better care of it. I also lost some childhood friends and I had to learn that it’s okay to be different and follow my own path toward an extraordinary life.
Despite living the life exactly as I want it, I feel guilty towards my parents, my 3 younger brothers and my friends for being so far away. I try to show my support in other ways, but know that this is not always enough.
What most people don’t know about me is that I’m actually an introvert. As a highly sensitive person I need more down time than most people, to decompress all the emotions, experiences and stories from the people I’ve been in contact with.
I gave up on cheese (yes, I’m Dutch!) cold turkey after joining WildFit back in 2020.
I’m telling everyone how important yoga is to improve your wellbeing, but can’t get myself on the mat. Somehow I seem to get more relaxed after a good boxing session.
People think that I’m fearless, but that’s not true. I’m scared of making mistakes, saying the wrong things and upset or hurt other people. I’m afraid of not being good enough, for friends, family and sometimes even strangers. I’m afraid of spiders (and they are big outside of Europe!) and injections (thank you IVF!). The only difference is that I just don’t let my fears stop me.
